This is going to be my third Christmas as a widow.
The stores that my husband was part owner of, are all gone.
I have lost our dream home as well.
I am looking for work everyday and haven't found anything yet for over two months now.
I've had to file for bankruptcy and now we, my daughter and I, are living on next to nothing.
Christmas is just around the corner and I can't afford squat. All the cheery holiday commercials and the stores with all their special goodies, depress me to no end.
I can't help feeling that I am failing here. It's been a long year and I hope that this next year will be a much better one. I am tired of all the drama and it just keeps coming, no matter what I do. I've been a goody two shoes all my life and I swear I deserve to be happy. I am a good person. But, I can't seem to catch a break.
The love of my life is once again absent this Christmas and who knows if we are ever going to get it together at this rate. He just won't let it get anywhere good and makes all kinds of bullshit excuses. I won't regret loving him though and I won't hate him. It's just sad. Plain sad.
I don't want to live to be an old woman at this rate. I am tired. I have stopped enjoying life and I have stopped enjoying the holidays. I live for my daughter, which is a very dangerous way to live, because what am I going to do if something, God forbid, happens to her?
I feel beaten down and all worn out. I've been hounded and pounded into the ground so much! I am feeling really tired and all used up. Nothing that I say or do is ever good enough. I am never good enough.
Sorry, I am just in a really bad place right now. I've had a really long day and the last two months or so, have been very sad and I am just worn out.
Move along to a more cheerful person because there is nothing good here right now.
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