widowhood is freaking me out

So, it has been almost 3 years now that I have been a widow after being married for nearly 21 years. I am making my way in the world , but it is a daunting task. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and I realized for like the one thousandth time, that I am the only responsible adult in the house and if something happens, it is up to me to keep us safe and keep us going. I hate it when I get like this. Most days I feel that I am strong and powerful. I can do anything and then I feel like today, when I just want to crawl underneath the covers and just stay there until I feel like my usual self again. I hate fear. I despise anxiety. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.